hit the ground running.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Revving it up

Well as you've probably already noticed, the school term's started, and this place hasn't quite been the well-updated blog it used to be. Not that I've been majorly busy with school-work, today being the first time I've opened a textbook proper, but that I've just been... busy. Whether it was Bondue day, or makeup classes, or going for talks just for a free lunch, or just training up for my upcoming tournament - school's really eaten up the whale's share of my time.

I've been doing a bit of thinking, too, of my future here in SMU. There're so many paths available for me to take - the CCA avoiding, perpetually mugging results-high-achiever; the active both in school life and outside life, but not so results-oriented student; or simply the entirely focused on activities guy. I'd very much like to do everything, as has been quite the pattern of my life in recent times, but it simply isn't viable, and I can just see myself burning out should I even attempt at it.

There'll come a time when I've got to make the decision of what to focus on, and at the moment I really don't know what I should be doing. I've got Uni-Y, which I'd thought I'd focus on, and possibly (and probably) aim for a place in the committee. And then the career-minded person in me tells me that I should be aiming bigger - Bondue, SA, the works. But then, serving with Uni-Y truly is something I enjoy, and right now I think that's where I'm leaning more toward.

And then there's rugby. I'd thought that I'd stop playing rugby once I stepped into Uni, but with a bit of persuasion I decided to join it again, and just play as a keep-fit kinda activity. Well after hearing of Junren's injury (and taking into account the one my brother suffered, in what was supposed to be his second last match ever), I'm actually really scared that I'll get injured. In university, I don't think you can afford to get injured; when you're not in the proper physical condition, you're gonna get injured. That's the main reason why I've been training myself up religiously for the past coupla weeks, so I don't end up with a broken something when the tournament comes around. I do think though that I shouldn't continue taking such risks, and perhaps after this tournament I'll do what the wise man would do and quit rugby.

Of course, there's also church. I feel like I've been neglecting it so much, and my service has been very limited by various reasons. I'm trying to get started again serving in the youth ministry - I'm also gonna be leading the youth mission come this June - and I really hope that I can follow through with my plans and get back on track, where I left off. Time, once again will be my enemy. Last term when I was serving as actively as I'd ever served, my weekends were almost entirely taken up, and eventually studies got the upper hand and church activities had to gradually take a back seat. I can't say that it won't happen again this term, but I hope that I'll still manage to perform my duties to my utmost.

It's quite odd, really, for me to be so pensive on my blog. Can't help it though, every time I think of the years ahead it's as if the next coupla years will totally shape the rest of my life. I had a bad first term last year, in the sense that I got myself totally stressed out, and just about burnt out in my last few weeks of school. Till now, I still haven't got myself back to the work rate that I had in the middle of last term, and it's a little worrying too, this inertia. However, I've started to learn to say no to people, and I've realised that I can't be doing everything myself - it's a sure recipe for burnout, as I learnt first hand.

Right now though, I guess all I can do is start wiping the 'useless' activites in my life, and start learning how to balance good grades, an active school life, active service in church, a girlfriend, a proper social life, keeping fit and the expectations of others, all at once. It's a tough life, y'all.

2:29 AM