Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Advice You Might Need Sometime in Your Life (especially if you're a CTU Agent in LA)
[DISCLAIMER: If you might watch Season 4 of 24 anytime in the future, and think that I might inadvertently reveal some spoilers, feel free not to read on until the long line made of dashes]
I've just finished watching Season 4 of 24, and really, there is a whole lot to be gleaned from the series. Apart from the glaring stereotypes and the entire incredulity that one might view the entire situation with, it was a pretty good show, with more than its fair share of cliffhangers. Shocking though, was how the people over at CTU (Counter-Terrorism Unit, for the uninitiated) could be so terribly brilliant at times, and yet so unbelievably stupid at others (I was miles ahead of them in the exploding car scene during the penultimate episode!).
Also, there is a slight suspicion (on my part, anyway) of a political agenda in this show, seeing how President Charles Logan bears more than a slight resemblance to someone we all know very well: Unconfident, unable to make decisions, incompetent, inept, unsure and most importantly, made President of the USA by default. The portrayal of the Chinese was also very typically... Chinese. How can one forget the guy at the Chinese Consulate, with the impossibly small and slitty eyes? Or the Vice-Counsel, ever sly and cunning? It's only too bad they didn't have China launch a nuclear strike of their own. That'd have made the Finale even more exciting, though no more preposterous than it already was.
As expected with a show that promises action real-time however, there're always a few problems, if you just bother to analyse the show hard enough. For example, how helicopters travel at blinding speeds sometimes, and yet crawl slower than cars at others. And how field agents take 20 minutes to reach their objective, and then take about 2 to get back after their mission.
The finale was slightly disappointing though, but I won't spoil it any further. As a whole the season was more than decent, better than the first even, I reckon. As usual, I thought David Palmer was awesome, and I absolutely adored Chloe and Edgar, personality disorders et al.
Anyway, the amount of time I have on my hands has allowed me to compile a guide, with some tips I've come up with after careful analysis of a day in the life of a CTU Agent.
How Not to Die
(A guide lovingly prepared by a 24 viewer)
1. Do NOT fight Jack Bauer. Not even if you're 20 against 1. You just can't win.
2. If you can, be Jack Bauer.
3. Don't approach the terrorist in the car. (and you thought that was obvious enough)
4. Don't secure the perimeter, get someone else to do it.
5. Never be the unnamed Agent who provides backup for Bauer. You're really just going to be the guy who gets shot, so that he knows he's under fire, and
6. Don't be a relative or loved one of a CTU Agent.
The last point is utterly crucial if you never want to be kidnapped, tortured or killed. If you're a CTU Agent, warn your family. They'll probably be kidnapped and held hostage. Or trapped in a nuclear fallout. Or get killed saving the world.
Also, I've learnt how to get really really really really rich real fast by doing illegal work, and yet never get prosecuted. After seeing it happen more than a few times on the show, I'm convinced that all you have to do is offer your services to terrorists for a fee. After you've done your part, try and get caught by the CTU. Upon capture, pretend to offer resistance. Jack Bauer will then come by, and in a display of his omnipotence, offer you immunity from prosecution for past or present crimes for a clue. Give it to him, and you're free! And rich! Of course you then become a target for the terrorists, but then after you confess you never appear again in the show, so you can't really die, can you?
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But enough about 24 already. It's been a period of season finales. Veronica Mars and Scrubs ended a coupla weeks ago, and more recently Desperate Housewives, Lost, House and Grey's Anatomy ended their first seasons. There's been the absolutely awesome (Mars), and the unbelievably disappointing (Lost). But more importantly, I now have no more TV to watch.
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I'm sure everyone's had that time when they saw something amazing and yet, didn't have a camera on hand to keep the memory with them. Like the time you saw the UFO land in your backyard. Or when you saw Bigfoot taking a crap in your loo. I had one such occasion on Sunday (and it was real!) when I saw the last person in the world I'd have expected, mopping the floor outside Raffles City. Of course, it sounds a lot worse here than it actually was, but I'm more than happy to leave it that way. I'm on the verge of killing myself right now however, as realisation dawns upon me that my phone HAS a camera.
5:19 PM
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